These Disrespectful Kids - or Nah?
I mean, I represent intelligent. Okay. Hey, y'all. Doing an episode on the go, and I'm in this traffic. This Atlanta traffic just logged off for the day.
Nikki:My kids got home from school and practices, and now I am on my way to the gym. I'm actually late. I had planned on going to boot camp earlier, but the way the way our our calendars are is so crazy. And I'm like, I need to see my baby. I need to see my son.
Nikki:I ain't seen him since early this morning. So I moved my session to a later time so that I could see my baby when he got home. But I had a conversation well, not really but. More of a and. But, anyway, I had a conversation with him when he got home today.
Nikki:He was just talking about some different things. Someone spilled some tea. And that's my ways. I switched the voice to boy George, and it is just so refreshing. But I don't even know why I'd be having Waze on because I know where I'm going.
Nikki:I don't know why I'd be having it on. I'm a actually turn it off real quick so that it's not disruptive and I'm doing so in a safe driving manner. I'm hands free right now and going the speed limit. So I'm not crazy enough to take those type of chances for the sake of recording the episode. But I wanna have a conversation with the parents today, the mamas, the daddies.
Nikki:It don't matter how you earn that title or what got you there or what didn't get you there. But my son will be 14 soon, and he he he's growing up right in my face. My daughter too, but him in particular because he's he's older than her. He's almost 14, and she's 10. But I'm I'm starting to see day in and day out the importance of letting my kids be themselves, be who they're gonna be.
Nikki:Wear what you wanna wear. Do what you wanna do with your clothes, with your hair, with this background on your phone, whatever. And it's I have some thought or inkling about this every day because as a mama, there's a lot of things that I have had to learn on the job. There's no book. There's no instruction manual for this.
Nikki:So a lot of stuff I had to learn on the job, on the mom job, there's some things of equal importance that I had to unlearn. And it's based on my childhood, my upbringing, different things that we were taught and told, etcetera. And there's a lot of things that I can share with my kids based on what I've learned and the things that, the way my life was when I was their age. But there's also a lot of things that I don't want to continue, right? And one thing that's a huge priority to me is helping my kids better understand actions, reactions, outcomes, consequences.
Nikki:Because they're at a age now where I don't have to say, at least not as often as I did when they were younger, I don't have to say, do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that. And a lot of that came from helping them understand what's right and what's wrong. But now they are old enough to understand those things. They understand that every action has a reaction and a lot of actions have opportunity costs. Some actions have consequences And I want them to understand what that looks like and how that plays out in every facet of their lives.
Nikki:Because what I don't wanna do I'm saying all that because the the point is what I don't wanna do is give my kids the impression that they are expected to be something out of my imagination. Right? I don't expect them to be a living, breathing representation of what I imagine them to be. Because to be honest, all that I've imagined them to be is happy, healthy, and productive citizens of this world. Other than that, I want my kids to understand the importance of having as much autonomy over your own life and being as possible.
Nikki:Doing what makes you happy, doing what makes your heart sing, and being good at it, being great at it, but also doing it in a way that's not hurtful to other people, that's not detrimental to other people, and doing it as a citizen that contributes to the goodness of this world. There's a lot of us who are in professions, in locations, with spouses, living our lives, our whole beings based on a blueprint that our parents have already laid out for us. And that's not a way to live. Right? Like, if you if you, somebody just calling me, but I feel like that's not the way to live.
Nikki:If you have to live your life according to the terms that somebody else has laid out for you. And things are different Now I know that when I was growing up and a lot of people, a lot of people I know that I grew up with, it was like, you ain't got no opinion. You do what you told. You don't talk back. That's it.
Nikki:And that's it. But again, the more that I talk to my kids, the more that they grow, it's like having an opinion does not mean that you're being disrespectful. And a lot of black parents, speaking from my own experience, my parents, my aunties, my uncles, my big cousins, a lot of black parents misinterpret an opinion as being disrespectful. The other thing I wanna be clear about is it is some disrespectful ass kids out here. So it's not to say that that argument is not valid, but it's not applicable to every situation.
Nikki:And I want my kids to talk back to me as far as not talk back, like yapping back, but engage in the conversation with me because I wanna know where your head is at. And I wanna make sure you understand the context of any conversation that we're having. And my kids know how to have a conversation without it feeling jarring or argumentative or without it feeling disrespectful. And I've learned that my kids react based on how I come at them. So if I come at them mad, what the hell?
Nikki:Get this damn room clean. Blah blah blah blah. I'm gonna get that same energy back. But when I come back with what's going on, okay, we got stuff in the room, we got clothes on the floor, we got to go boxes on the dresser, what's going on? Then I get a different reaction.
Nikki:And I get a different tone and I get a different vibe. And so I don't ever want my kids to feel like they have to be something that I'm expecting them to be. Because outside of the three things I just mentioned, do what you love, do what makes you happy, and do it without hurting other people. Well, the four things, do it and make a good contribution or a a good impact on this world. Those are the only expectations I have for my kids.
Nikki:I don't expect them to become a CPA like me. I don't expect them to go to my alma mater. None of that. None of that. And so I tried to approach my relationships with them from that standpoint because I know what happens to a child that is silenced, a child whose voice is snatched away from them because of the emotional maturity of the adults that they're around.
Nikki:A voiceless child becomes a voiceless adult. And when people are being mistreated, abused, molested, harassed, whatever, bullied, A lot of times that's not vocalized because they don't know how, or they're afraid of what the ramifications are going to be. So I don't want my kids to feel like they can't talk to me, that they don't have the privilege to speak up when they're in certain rooms and certain situations. Because all they're gonna do is carry those attributes with them. The older they get, the more that they progress in this world.
Nikki:And that is not what I want them to do. A voice has no power until it has been used. And I really wanted to share that because that's part of the systemic issue. That's part of the problem of people not feeling heard because they're not speaking up or they're afraid to speak up or they've been taught to not speak up. And I don't ever wanna create that type of energy or learning for my kids to where they think that that is okay because it's not at all.
Nikki:So I'm a wrap it up for now because I am at the gym. Look like boot camp just let out. And I'm about to I was gonna go to 07:30, but I'm a have to I got my session with coach, so I'm a do that first. And then I had to go home and get ready for my photo shoot tomorrow, which I'm so excited about. But I will holler at y'all later.
Nikki:I got three minutes to get in here. I do not want coach busting my ass about being late. So y'all be good? Yeah. Talk to y'all soon.
