My Kids Get on my Damn Nerves!
So today's episode, my kids get on my damn nerves. I was like, I don't even need to write show notes for this episode. And I'm pretty sure there's gonna be comments and perspectives coming from all directions, but I'm saying something some things with an s that need to be said, first and foremost. But oftentimes, as mamas, we are shunned or we are bashed on the Internet for saying certain things that are real to moms that we deal with every single day. And I've been a mom for almost, I'll say for almost fifteen years.
Nikki:My son is gonna be 14 in a minute, but I also count the time I was pregnant. So I've been a mom for almost fifteen years and every single moment, every single day has not been rosy and fun and exciting and happy go lucky. Everything smells like flowers type thing. So I got my drink today. I always got my water on deck.
Nikki:So I have my water. I have the last of some oolong tea, a pot of oolong tea that I made earlier today. It was so good. I didn't even put nothing in it. No ginger.
Nikki:No lemons. No I don't really eat sugar, like white sugar, granulated sugar. But honey, I didn't put any honey in it. It was good as it was. And I make a pot of hot tea most days.
Nikki:I drink tea like people drink coffee. And it started off as hot tea. It was really, really good. And then it sat for a minute and it cooled off. And when I sipped it, it was cold.
Nikki:And I was about to throw it away. And I was like, you know what? I'm actually not gonna throw this away because it tastes pretty good. So I got some oolong tea that I'm I need to finish. I don't know if I'll finish that last little bit, but I do have some Reposado in my red wine glass.
Nikki:So I don't know. It's funny because I poured the Reposado on my wine glass because my glass is really, really cute. It's really wide. One of the wide wine glasses, you need a wide glass for red wine. This glass is so cute.
Nikki:Bought it from Williams Sonoma and it's my go to glass. It doesn't matter what I'm drinking. I usually put it in this glass. So I threw the whole drink etiquette, glass etiquette out the window and said, I'm a put some Reposado in my wine glass because last I checked, it wasn't a law that I couldn't do that despite what the norm is or the quote unquote rule is or the the etiquette for libations. But anyway, I had been thinking about doing this episode for a while, and then I was like, I don't know what people are gonna say.
Nikki:And I had to wake up like, when did I ever give a flying fuck about what somebody had to say? So I was like, I'm a do the episode. I'm a do the episode. And I kept saying, like, okay. I'm a do the episode.
Nikki:I'm a do the episode. I never recorded it. And again, I was like, that's the episode I can just go. I don't need no show notes. I don't need to prep for that.
Nikki:So this episode is off the dome. I don't have no notes. I don't have no updates. I just wanted to put this in the universe. And it's funny because as I was thinking about doing the episode, I was watching Tamron Hall's show, and I I found her show several months back flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch.
Nikki:And the one episode I watched was really good, really intriguing. And I'm like, oh, she talks about some good stuff. Like, this show is gonna be good. So I'm gonna watch it again tomorrow. And so I made sure I tuned into her show because she really talked about relevant things.
Nikki:I will watch her show, have, like, tears in my eyes. I feel like her show is what Oprah show was for my mama and my Amy's back in '85, 8789. And one particular episode she did is about moms who were getting angry with their kids. So she had this panel of moms on there and they were sharing different things. And they would want their kids to they would ask their kids to do something.
Nikki:The kid wouldn't do it. So they would get mad. And they were like, I kind of feel bad for getting mad. Like, you're not supposed to get mad as your kid kind of thing. And it was almost like a reminder for me.
Nikki:Like, you need to go ahead and do the episode that you said you were gonna do. Because I have had moments where I'm like, my kids get on my fucking nerve. Like, what are y'all doing? I know y'all heard me say, clean up the kitchen. I know y'all heard me say, pick up your clothes out the landing.
Nikki:So you walk up to go upstairs in the house, you walk up some stairs, there's a landing and then there's more stairs and then you upstairs. Why would a kid have a whole outfit in the landing? Shoes, pants, shirt, a couple of the dog's toys is down there, a jacket, like a Gatorade bottle. Like, why would that stuff be in the land? Y'all just don't care.
Nikki:Y'all see this every day. You walk past it like it's not there, and you're waiting for somebody else to pick it up. So, yes, that gets on my damn nerves. And there's nobody that I know of who has had every moment of every day be this great moment in motherhood. Now some people might feel like, oh, I my kids get on my nerves or I'm frustrated with this mom shit.
Nikki:And I really feel a certain type of way, but I don't wanna say it because then people are gonna think I'm mean or I'm a bad mom. And I felt like I think a lot of us feel that way. I think a lot of us have felt that way at some point in time. And I remember when my kids were smaller and I was still chasing this dream of this perfect mom, this perfect motherhood and handling everything on your own and having it all together. I would see moms in the store with their kids.
Nikki:Some of them are like, please stop, please. Oh my God, please stop. And then some of them are like, no, I'm not doing that. You heard what I said, let's go. A very firm with the kids and with the parents who were telling their kids, please stop or please get off the floor or things like that.
Nikki:I would think like, wow. She has no control over these kids. Like, she needs she need to get these kids home because this this don't make no sense. Like, why are you telling your kid to please do something? But then I would hear a mom discipline their child.
Nikki:No. Like, picking up what's the thing kids do at the grocery store? They pick up stuff, ask us can they have it, or they sneak it in the cart. And then it's like, mommy, can can we get this? No.
Nikki:But please, mommy, please, please. And, you know, and it starts this whole thing. And I'm like, no. No means no. No does not mean start begging for something.
Nikki:It means no, and that's the end of the story. So and I would I would think certain things about that mom like, wow. Like, that's that's a mean mom. You're not supposed to talk to your kids like that. And so now that I've evolved as a mom, I feel like a seasoned mama now.
Nikki:But now as my kids become teenagers and one is about to be in high school, one is going into middle school, it's like I was seasoned a mom up to elementary school. Now it's about to be a whole new level of motherhood that I'm trying to brace myself for these teenage years. And I was like, I wonder how many other moms have ever had that feeling or thought that thought, or even said it out they mouth. Like my kids get on my damn nerve. Oh my God.
Nikki:These kids are driving me crazy. Kids are driving me insane. Something to that effect. And it doesn't mean that now for this, I'm a speak for myself. I would love for us to have a larger conversation about this.
Nikki:I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions and what you think. But speaking for myself, I feel like saying that or feeling that doesn't mean that you love your kid or kids any less. It means that we're human and we have emotions and we're people just like everybody else. The world society tends to put this, tie this cape around our neck and put us in this category of being super moms and we can do it all and handle it all and juggle it all. It's like, no, that's what y'all want us to do.
Nikki:That's not what we want to do. And that's not what we're capable of. And that's not what we should have to be burdened to do is do everything on our own. So it doesn't mean that you love your kid and you less. It means that you're a human.
Nikki:It means that your kids are humans and it is okay with humanizing moms. It's not like you're a mom, so you can't be mean or you're a mom, so you can't get upset. That's not what this means. And I really want us, us, meaning the world to move away from thinking that we get to slap these labels on moms and we get to program moms to do certain things and be certain things. The fact that we have we're given the, what do I want to call it?
Nikki:The norm, the societal norm in this country is that in The United States, let me not say in this country, because one thing I saw when I looked at my podcast metrics is there are people in other countries tuning into my podcast. I love that. I appreciate that. I'm excited and humbled by that at the same time. So in my spirit of being inclusive, I'll say in The United States, because I realized there are countries that have far better paid leave laws and they are much, much more embracing and empathetic of parents, working parents.
Nikki:So here in The United States, the norm is we're giving you forty two days for your body to recover or snap back from bringing a human into the world that it took you about a year, about two seventy or so days to create. That's a whole another episode for me. But we already get slapped with that before the babies. Umbilical cord ain't fell off yet. And we already got a date that we need to be back at work.
Nikki:That's a whole another conversation, another episode for another day. But everybody has their different ways of parenting and nobody can really criticize or try to instruct a mom or dad on how to be a mom or dad. And if you have certain strategies and communications and things that work in your household for your kids, then do what works for you. And don't feel like you have to become something that you're not or change who you are or conform to what this world thinks we should be simply because we chose to have children. And I also feel like, and me again, speaking for myself because of what I just said, we all have our different ways of parenting and talking to our kids.
Nikki:And this is the Working Mamas podcast. We keep it a 100 over here. And I have no problem saying, I feel like a, what's the word? I feel like a reinvented mom because I used to yell at my kids a lot because I wanted them to do stuff and I needed them to hear me. And we all typically default to what we know and what we've seen unless you get to a space where you feel like I need to unlearn that shit because it ain't all the way right.
Nikki:So I used to yell at my kids to get stuff done. And then I thought about how how exhausted I felt afterward, but also how bad I felt afterward. Like, damn. Now I gotta go apologize because I didn't mean for that to I didn't mean to yell. I was just trying to say something.
Nikki:And all these other things, like I start second guessing shit. And I went back to the basics of like, my kids are learning how to be people and how to function in this world and what's normal, what's not, what's right, what's not. And I don't want them to think that this is right or that it's normal. So let me figure out, let me check myself as a mama and figure out how do I get my point across without the yelling. And I came to a conclusion of, I'm gonna talk to my kids instead of talking at them Because it's hard for me as an adult to receive a message from somebody who's yelling at me.
Nikki:Because I can't get past the fact that you yelling at me and that you feel the need to have to do so in order for me to hear you or receive what you're saying. So I was like, let me reel it in. Let me nip this shit in the bud before my kids think that this is normal. And I found that, I mean, this is even with the getting the calls from school. And the first thing you're thinking after you get off that call with the assistant principal or teachers, I'm a whoop his ass.
Nikki:I'm whoop her ass. Wait till they get home from school. What the hell are you doing at school? The teacher said you gotta have. And I was like, okay.
Nikki:I don't want nobody doing that to me. And if I don't want something done to me, I'm certainly not going to do it to somebody else, adult, kid, whoever. So if somebody wanted to sit down and have a conversation with me, if somebody wanted me to really hear what they were saying and somebody wanted me to communicate with them and have an open dialogue, how would I want them to talk to me? How would that conversation go? And even as far as getting the calls from school, which is crazy because I got a call from my son's school today and it wasn't all bad.
Nikki:I have an understanding with the teachers and the administrators at his school, keep me posted with what he's doing and what he's got going on. So the call was more so, Hey, I just want to update you on some things that we need. Like I forgot to send proof of residency to the school, which they are really, really cracking down on these days. So I forgot to do that. And so his teacher gave me a reminder about that.
Nikki:Then we talked about some other things that he's doing really well in this, this and this. He just got a couple of things to work on. And typically I woulda before I was reinvented or refreshed as a mom, I would say, I would take the approach of the school said this, this, and this. Why did you do this, this, and this? But now I talk to my kids in a way where we can have a healthy discussion.
Nikki:And I'll say, Hey, how was school? How are you doing? Like I always do. But then I'll say, Well, what's going on in math? Or what's going on in advanced language arts?
Nikki:Or what's going on in science, advanced science? My son's in all these advanced classes. And instead of immediately taking the side of the teacher, I give him an opportunity to talk and share his perspective and not insinuating anything or accusing him of anything, but say, hey, how was class? Anything happened? Anything we need to talk about?
Nikki:And teaching them a healthy way to communicate. And that's something that starts at home because when you have kids who don't know how to communicate, those kids become adults who don't know how to communicate and things are always misconstrued. And when there's conflict, they shut down or they erupt in rage because they don't know how to resolve it because they were never taught that it was never a learned behavior. So communication, the way and the things that we eat, the way that we handle conflict, I put those all in the category of learned behaviors. And I get more out of him, out of both of my kids really, using my son as an example, but we have more robust discussions with that approach.
Nikki:Because if I would have came in yelling and screaming at him, he would have been so busy trying to defend himself. I didn't do this, I didn't do that. That's not what happened. That's not what I said. That he wouldn't even get around to the part of sharing his perspective.
Nikki:So I wanted my kids to understand that there's a healthy way to communicate, but also let them understand that they have a voice and a point of view, and they should never silence that for anybody. And if you feel the need to say something, say it. It don't matter who's in the room or who's in the seat next to you or how much money somebody got or how many connections somebody got, whatever room that you were in, whether it's a room of people younger than you or less experienced than you, a room of your peers, a room of ballers, shot callers, and billionaires. If you have a point of view, if you have a voice, if you feel inclined to speak, then speak up. Because again, silenced kids grow up to be silenced adults who don't know how to express themselves, who don't know how to speak up when it's their turn or when they should.
Nikki:And I don't want to teach my kids those habits. And it's been working. Now, am I gonna sit up here and say, I do that every day? No. Because when I tell my kids, hey, it's your day to clean up the kitchen.
Nikki:Make sure you take care of what you need to take care of. I know that you know how to clean up the kitchen because you do it all the time if I sit there and watch you. So I said that one day, I actually told them to do it together because the kitchen was a hot ass mess. And instead of them working together, they spent the whole time arguing about who's gonna sweep the floor and who's gonna load the dishwasher and this, this, and this. I said, listen, I don't care who does what, y'all better get it done.
Nikki:And y'all gonna be in the kitchen till it gets done. So I still have my moments where I will go off, but there's less of those and there's more healthier conversations and kids are never too young or it's never too early to teach that. So I feel like now it's been some years since I felt like a reinvented mom and I've moved away from the predominant yelling. But I feel like now as my kids get older and they have their friends and they're picking out their own clothes and making all of these decisions for their appearance, which is something I used to do. I will go to the store, get them some clothes, bring them back and they wear what I bought.
Nikki:But now it's like, pick out your own clothes, wear what you feel comfortable in, wear what looks good to you. And of course, here's my credit card. So I give them that autonomy so that they can feel like themselves as they develop their own personalities and habits and the things that they like and the things that they don't like. I give them that autonomy. And I feel like now as they have these different experiences, hanging out with their friends and doing different things and just doing stuff that preteens and teenagers do, they come back to me on their own to initiate conversations with me.
Nikki:Like tell me what's happened at school, what their friends are doing, what their friend's parents said. So there's that openness there, which I love and I appreciate because that's not something that I had growing up and I know how it feels to not have it. So I wanted to be intentional about my kids having that and knowing that and understanding that. So I've said a lot. It's probably a lot more I can say.
Nikki:For those of you who listen regularly, I'm glad you back. For those of you who are new, I keep my episodes to thirty minutes or less. I know that as busy mamas, we have a lot going on. Some of y'all are probably listening to this episode while you in the car cleaning up or at work or multitasking and doing something else. So I try to get to the point, keep it short and sweet.
Nikki:And I'm right at about twenty seven minutes. And knowing me, I'm probably going to go off on a tangent before I get to thirty. I'm going try my best not to, but I definitely want to hear your thoughts and your perspective on this episode. So share this episode to our social media, to our Instagram account workingmamas, W E R K I N And tell me what you think about it. How do you deal with those days when your kids get on your nerves?
Nikki:And what are some things that you want to share in your own experiences as a mother that you think could help another mom, or even just to get it off your chest. If you're one of those moms who you feel stressed and overworked and overwhelmed with everything that's on your plate and you just need somewhere to vent. That's why I want to create this community. We need that space for us and by us, for moms by moms to be able to have these conversations without dealing with the trolls and the people who want to mom shame every chance they get. So I'm going be done for now.
Nikki:I'm also about to finish this Reposado and I am going to get a jumpstart on some deliverables and stuff that I have coming up this week. I will celebrate the fact that I have leftovers, so I didn't have to cook today, but my kids act like they are too good for leftovers. So whenever they say, I'm gonna eat that again. Okay, well, you got an air fryer, you got an oven, you know how to cook. So go down there and knock yourself out, honey.
Nikki:But yeah, we doing leftover pot roast, mashed potatoes out the bag, the bag of a sack of Yukon Gold organic potatoes, not to be confused with the spuds in the box. No judgment, no judgment whatsoever to any mama who cooking with spuds. I like fresh potatoes. They taste so much better. But anyway, pot roast that I cooked in my Dutch oven in the oven for what, four hours.
Nikki:I took some onions and carrots and brown them up a little bit. And then I had rolled the roast in some salt and pepper, sea salt and pepper, and I seared it on all the sides in my Dutch oven on the stove. And so then I took it out and now you've got all the little drippings, all the good stuff, all the little brown crust and stuff at the bottom of the pan. So I deglazed it with some red wine and then I put the roast back in, I put the carrots in, I put the onions in and I put some beef broth over top. And what else did I do?
Nikki:And some rosemary, some fresh sprigs of rosemary, put the top on, put it in the oven for four hours. So I watched the first half of What was I watching? I don't know. I think I was watching football. I think I watched the early games.
Nikki:I watched the 01:00 games. And then by the time the 04:00 games came on, I boiled the potatoes, made the mashed potatoes, saute some cabbage, made some corn muffins. And when I tell you that shit was slamming, it was slamming. So that's what we eating for leftovers. I don't know what I'm gonna cook for the rest of the week, but I'll figure something out.
Nikki:But anyway, like I said, I told y'all I was gonna go on a tangent, but talk to me about this episode. I really wanna hear what y'all think and continue this conversation. So hit us up on Instagram at workingmamas, W E R K I N M O M M A S. You can also email us at hellotheworkingmamas dot com. Check out theworkingmamas.com.
Nikki:What's going on on there? We're some updates and stuff to the website, doing some refreshing and stuff like that. But get on the list, on our mailing list. That way you will know whenever an episode comes out and the merch is about to get back jumping. More to come on that.
Nikki:Let me not go on another tangent because we are way over thirty two minutes, y'all. Y'all know we don't do that. So let me give y'all some time back so y'all can focus on doing what y'all doing, and I will talk to y'all soon.
